Now you have started a healing process, a detachment.
The rules that you have to follow during that period are
a) Avoid all contact. Protect that kid in you and be true to your promise of protection. Remember if the child suffers, he takes control and guides you to wrong choices to have his needs met. You need to keep your distances from wrong paths.
b) Understand that every relationship is about a moment of intimacy and the renewal of it after some distance, it goes in circles, when it is a good one, based on real love. The others are just people popping in and out of our lives to show us what we are really made off and you do the same for them. Your man has a different path now, and so do you, you both need to move on to different experiences that will help you grow. You will attract the same type, unless you “get the lesson” and make yourself whole. Forgive, thank him for coming in your life while he struggles to find his own path and meaning in life and move on. Although there is no “the one”, he was not the one to stay longer than that, he accomplished his purpose.
c) Do not date before the mourning period is over and you found out what you want to change about you and what are your deal breakers for the next one.
The difference between arrogance and confidence is that the first is based on nothing or ephemeral things like beauty or money or position. Confidence is built by accomplishments.
Start experimenting, if you do not know what you are good at. Find the things that make your soul sing and start learning something. A musical instrument for example will do wonders for your brain. See this period as a gift to yourself to do the things you want, now that you have time. Make your life attractive and interesting to YOU, so that you wont want to give it up that easily for another person. Make it and shape it to your delight so that you will keep it going even in a relationship and you will have something to go back too, if the relationship doesn’t work.
If breaking up is horrible because your life sucks without your relationship, here is your hint. Why would he like to share it with you? Create your reality, find your passion, and be the person YOU would want to date, you would respect for all the achievements. Don’t be afraid to fail, it is not telling of you. Failing is a process to learning and mastering. Build a confidence based on your achievements and no one will be able to take that from you.
There are more things I could say but then I would have to put my book in here.
I will end this with just a few hints you have a rotten apple:
a) If he blames you for his behavior or his not loving you. Think a little. When we fall out of love, we feel sorry for the other and tend to say “ it’s not you, it’s me”. If the guy in your life blames you for his actions, run away. You can’t win that level of immaturity and arrogance, he is a toddler, who takes out on you all his frustrations.
b)If he tries to hurt you. I do not care what the argument is. What he wants vs what you want ( because in the end this is the root of all conflict, masqueraded and intertwined with ideologies and beliefs). If he tries to sulk, give you the silent treatment, bully you, criticize you to get you to do what he wants, he doesn’t see you. You are there for his purposes and needs. If he doesn’t take no for an answer, Run
c)If you doubt yourself every step of the way and he uses the word “should” a lot, but mostly regarding YOUR behavior, figure, friends, job and beliefs. You are not a child, and he is responsible for his choices. He has a right to say I should, not YOU should. This is the most dangerous word if accepted in a relation ship. The balance is off and he feels you are his to guide, manipulate, mold into what HE wants you to BE. Your friends, your job, your beliefs are what define your IDENTITY. They are not for sale, grabs or useless. They define you. He does not and he should not. If you need to find yourself, go and find yourself and if he doesn’t like it, it means he didn’t love you, but the thrill to boss around someone and feel important.
d) be financially independent. Always. Non negotiable.
I hope these 3 articles gave you a hint of the tools to use in order to find yourself and helped you realize what is the real purpose of relationships and why some people enter our lives. It will be a long purpose but I guarantee you, you will come out of it better, and will attract someone different. Unless you still need to work on that area. It is all up to you, eventually.
